It is okay to be afraid, know your mind, know you are loved

Taunt
Self-Portrait
Oil on stretched linen
32 by 24 inches

We have made another life-changing decision. We are literally uprooting ourselves to move back to the West. Specifically, the Northwest. Unlike the other few previous times, this is under our own terms!

We are very excited and at the same time very anxious. We could never know what is around the bend on the path, and we remind ourselves to trust and be patient. Yet, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t rest. I was afraid to come around the bend only to be caught on a path crumbling underneath our feet. I was very fearful. But I cannot allow fear to take over, otherwise I would be frozen in place.

I played a random playlist on my streaming app to help calm myself, and I cried myself to sleep. The music was intentionally softly playing that I could not hear any words, only the softly playing tunes to lull me to sleep.

I woke up at 3:30 a.m. to In Dreams by Jai-Jagdeesh, beginning to play. I lay in bed meditatively listening. I could barely hear her singing, but somehow, these stood out. The tune ended seconds before 3:33 a.m:

Beloved child
My heart is yours
My beloved child
Go out and open doors
With your love
With your faith
With your compassion
With your grace
Oh, with your grace

Beloved child
You are the light of the world
Beloved child
Go out, spread light to the world
Be strong, be kind, be brave

Know your mind
Know that you are divine
Know that that it’s alright to be afraid
Know you are loved

Know you are loved
Rest in peace
Dream your sweet dreams
‘Till your soul is released

Jai-Jagdeesh

“To take hold of your mind, you must practice mindfulness of the mind. You must know how to observe and recognize the presence of every feeling and thought that arises in you. The Zen master Thuong Chieu wrote, ‘If the practitioner knows his own mind clearly, he will obtain results with little effort. But if he does not know anything about his own mind, all of his effort will be wasted.’
If you want to know your own mind, there is only one way: to observe and recognize everything about it. This must be done at all times, during your day-to-day life no less than during the hour of meditation.”

— thich that hanh